This is my most unbelievable, vulnerable, most personal and most precious story. Known as the kundalini awakening, the visit of the holy spirit, the unveiling of the prana, the streaming of the chi,… They all describe the same experience that more and more people are having.
On February 8 2005 I was born for the second time in my life.
I never dared to tell my story, because what would people think of me? Yet it is the most profound thing that happened to me, even after the birth at home of my 2 children (my hands are the first touch in both their lives) that’s still the case.
Why did it take me so long to get out of the closet?
I had to crash (left my own company) and burn (bad burn-out recovery) before I finally understood that this moment was my calling. And my calling points away from my caring family. They feel I ignore life. I feel exactly the opposite. I feel I’ve been ignoring life by trying to fit in, by trying to find a compromise between their image and mine.
Everybody who encounters such an experience is asked, even claimed to serve the personal soul purpose.
The only other option is pain and grief.
I share this story, because I want to reach out to people with the same experience and maybe my story can bring hope to people that feel lost. Hope, light at the end of a strange tunnel.
And so the story begins
On februari 8 2005 the light switched on after a day of fulfilment. I remember very well how I was over the moon, riding in my car, listening to the Black Keys.
With my sight I was making a videoclip by watching passing objects and switching view on the beat of the music. I was breathing deeply and I felt my heart speeding up.
I had felt this heartbeat-shift before, lying in bed doing self-hypnosis, but it scared me then so I stopped it by sitting straight and breathing faster because it was clear to me that this heart-beat was induced by my breathing pattern.
But then, driving my car (?!?), I felt like come what may.
And then it happened. I exploded way out of my car, I reached far above it. My view was completely different, like my eyes were everywhere, and the car in front of me was surrounded by colourful clouds, thinking back I suppose these were aura’s.
It was insane because the clarity was far beyond everything I had ever seen and I knew I could see every little screw in that car.
And that was only my sight. Mentally I was as bright as can be. I knew everything there was to know without any doubt. I would have answered you in any living or dead language and I was all light.
The most impressive thing was how I felt. Infinite power. Anything I wanted would manifest right away. There was no limit to the power that I felt.
These are just words that don’t even come close to the experience.
After 10 to 30 seconds I returned in my car, totally flabbergasted and the upcoming roundabout freaked me out. I thought I couldn’t drive anymore, but I managed fine.
When I came home, 30 minutes later, I called my best friend Ruben. Crying. I told him what happened. Luckily he reads a lot and said he recognised it as a kundalini awakening. That was a huge help because it meant I was not going totally insane.
Quite soon I found this little book that turned out to be a life saviour because of the very tangible and practical descriptions. It said for instance that I most probably -hm… I don’t seem to know how to describe this decently- my shit comes out like little rabbit balls because of the inner fire. And that’s exactly what it was!
Another thing I read was how in most cases people get out of such an experience with physical or mental disorders due to a chakra bottle neck. Apart from being totally overwhelmed and even scared I was OK and I felt emotionally grateful to apparently be quite balanced.
I did quite some research back then, but I couldn’t manage to get in touch with people with similar experience. So it faded away slowly. Nevertheless the following months must have been the most emotional ever. I broke up with my girlfriend and she left our (rental) house.
I remember entering my home after she had taken all her stuff with her while I wasn’t there. The emptiness, the pain, the sadness. I didn’t want to hurt her. I wished the very best for her, but not with me, that’s all.
The summer that followed was most emotional since the woman that I called the love of my life showed up again in a emotional game of attraction and repelling, but we never coupled. I never cried as much as in that summer.
You can run, but you can’t hide
Last year I was forced to quit my own company and ended up at home for 8 months with a burn-out and an existential crisis.
Reading in “The Tree Of Life” (Israel Regardie, 1937) I realised the author was describing people that experienced a Kundalini awakening. He clearly stated that it is a higher calling and that the path of the soul needs to be walked.
When I say clearly, I mean that it was clear to me, but I’m quite sure that it is only clear to people who have experienced this. He uses many words to describe that state of being and if I hadn’t lived that experience, I’m sure it would come over to me as very unclear.
Anyways, reading in that book helped me realise that I need to change direction in my life.
This proces is going on right now.
Coincidence brought me clues and keys on how to unveil my path. The beautiful destruction as it is called. How much it hurts I am committed to follow the path which involved loneliness, uncertainty and pain. I see the looks behind me. I feel the eyes of my parents and brothers who are convinced that I’m self-destructive (to put it in my own words).
But I have no choice.
If a phoenix needs to rise from the ashes, then it needs to burn first. I’ve been burning many times and I will stand more if I need to because I am so confident, because I saw the light.
In his book, Israel Regardie (the similarity in both our family names makes me smile) describes how the whole world population could make that sort of shift and thus realising a major step in human evolution.
More and more people are experiencing this.
My dream in this lifetime is to see that global shift where people go to a next level of consciousness in which telepathic communication reveals nothing but truth.
A world in which connection is not just a nice concept, but hard felt like depicted in the film Avatar. Deep felt connection with the planet, its animals and with each other.
A world in which the gods have not returned, but have emerged from the human race.
Yes, I dream big. I always did.
Do I need to excuse for that?
My personal conclusion is that I may call myself a light-worker. I’m not particularly fond of labels. I never felt to fit in anywhere, but that’s just typical for light-workers. The word repelled me because calling yourself a light-worker is like elevating yourself. Look at me! I am the light! Follow me!
Don’t like it.
This morning I woke up and when I grabbed my iPad this video came up. I watched it. And my conclusion is simple:
I am a light-worker. I’ve been called that many times before and I’ve always pushed it away, but now I realise that there is no point in denying your self, especially when you so deeply resonate with it. How can you ever be happy while trying to fit in and denying the very core of who you are?
WAKE UP!!! I want to scream that to the world, to all the people who are following silly regulations that slowly but profoundly take away our responsibilities. I want to scream to all these zombies I see around me, ashamed to enjoy life, afraid to look into the mirror. But that makes no sense if I don’t do this myself.
I can easily argue that I have been exploring myself all my life, that I work daily on self awareness, being mindful, but this all makes no sense if I don’t recognise myself for what I am and embrace myself. I don’t blame them because they have a big heart, but my parents didn’t learn me to love myself, they learned me unwillingly to criticise myself, to put myself down.
If you recognise your self. Be aware that you are allowed! You are needed! And if you manage to love yourSelf, you will be loved back in a multitude that is so overwhelming and so empowering that there will be NO WAY to stop you!
THE TIME TO WAKE UP IS NOW!!